Christmas Math

Christmas is only 1 day away, but you really stopped caring around the age of 17, which was 9 years ago, plus 7 days in Hawaii on your first real family vacation.

You paid $20 to finally purchase a domain for your blog, and even though it wasn’t the one you wanted, you’re feeling pretty good about it, minus the monthly payment of $26, which your sister tells you is way too high.

And although you’ve gotten over your childhood obsession of the holiday, you still bought about 29 gifts this year, which is 11 more than you did last year, and 2 less than you should have.

Your father tells you to arrive at dinner with a big appetite, because your mother is cooking an 8-course dinner, plus 6 bottles of wine, and 5 thousand cookies.

The cookies are called “7 Layer Cookies” and they come from an old family recipe; a recipe that’s at least 4 generations old, and has been made at least 187 times. But your mother makes them with only 6 layers, because no one really likes those butterscotch baking chips anyway. She’ll add in an extra layer of sweetened-condensed milk, plus at least 4 tablespoons of metaphorical love.

You plan to gain about 2 pounds tonight, and maybe 3 more tomorrow, but you made 18 New Year’s resolutions this year, 6 of which have to do with physical health, and only 4 of which you’ll actually keep.

Whatever. YOU do the math.