Beauty & The Deceased: A Product Diary

Here are all of the beauty products I use on a day that I shower….

…and okay, let’s just say this is a day that I shower AND a day that I’m going out. Let’s call it Friday night, just for dramatic purposes.

In shower:

• Shampoo (Okay, I’ll just admit it: I started using Head & Shoulders ‘cause my scalp was dry and 'cause, you know, I wear a ton of black, and now my hair grows hella fast! Like 2 inches a month fast. I heard this happens because hair won’t grow from a dry scalp. So anyways…)
• Conditioner (It’s A 10 conditioner soufflé, or whatever.)
• Some face wash I got in my Birchbox.
• Some shaving cream that smells like a coconut cupcake.
• This organic lemon oil body wash that makes me feel at least 3 months younger than I actually am.)

Out of shower:

• Leave-in conditioner (It’s A 10 again…this stuff is like 20 bucks, but it’s GOOD.)
• First layer of face lotion (this orange-scented organic stuff.)
• Medicated lip balm (for lipstick prep.)
• This oil stuff for when my hair is half-dry.
• Some tousle spray that I got in my Birchbox.
• Second layer of face lotion.
• Body lotion (Hello Harvey Prince…it smells like everything’s gonna be okay.)
• Third layer of face lotion (I’m really into not having dry skin throughout the day…oily skin can be blotted later.)
• Medicated lip balm again.
• Deodorant.

Makeup time!:

• Primer (whatever brand I have at the moment.)
• Foundation (Miracle Skin Transformer…what pores??)
• Concealer (the Maybelline under-eye stuff I’ll probably be clutching in my grave.)
• Powder (Bare Minerals.)
• Blush.
• Bronzer.
• Makeup setting spray (Urban Decay, though someone just recently told me the best makeup setter is actually hairspray.)
• A ton of mascara (like 3 different brands, just layer that shit on until you can’t open your eyes 'cause your lids are so heavy.)
• Eyebrow pencil (Anastasia or a drugstore brand, depending on how poor I am at the moment.)
• Eyebrow powder.
• Lipstick (to match my mood or nails.)

Just before I go:

• Toothpaste.
• My secret perfume recipe.
• Probably more deodorant, 'cause let’s be real…

Emergency purse stash:

• Lipstick.
• Tiny powder compact (for above mentioned oily face.)
• Chapstick.
• Tiny liquid blush just in case.
• Maybe an eyebrow pencil if I expect to sweat.

Sleeping in my makeup is certainly a possibility, but let’s say I make it to the sink before bed:

• Makeup remover wipes.
• Coconut oil to get all that mascara off.
• Face wash.
• Retinol face cream.
• Toothpaste.
• Pop that Invisalign retainer back in….

…and I’m out.

Yeah, yeah yeah. I’m a fucking product junkie. I counted 35 items, not including repeats. But I love being a woman, and I love all these potions, okay?