Your Weekend Horoscopes: Salty Summer Edition
GEMINI: Summer’s here, little Gem. So this weekend, celebrate the season in the best ways you know. Let some ice-cream drip onto your t-shirt or blast the AC and watch a Game of Thrones marathon. Do you!
CANCER: You’re a true summer babe, lady Cancer. Stay true to yourself and stay true to the weather. Drink some hard lemonade. Paint your own toe nails. Embrace the fact that you’re a grown up with no curfew. Go nuts!
LEO: Nothin’ says “a weekend in June” like getting a little too drunk at your friend’s barbecue. So sit in the grass, cheers to nothing, and drunk text your little heart away, sweetie!
VIRGO: You wanted to go on a summer diet, and then you just said “Fuck it!” So this weekend, keep up with the same attitude! Stay out late. Eat a whole pizza. Smoke a cigarette, if you wanna. YOLO!
LIBRA: Get liberated, Lady Libra. When someone compliments you, agree with them! Use the hashtag #freethenipple. Embrace or curse gender roles! Happy weekending, you warrior woman.
SCORPIO: Sun’s out, guns out, Scorpio Queen! Who cares what your arms look like in a tank? Not you! It’s summa-summa time, so flaunt what you’ve got and let your freak flag fly.
SAGITTARIUS: This weekend is all about doing whatever you damn please. Sing that karaoke song you’ve been practicing in the car. Send that text you’ve been mulling over. Spend some time working on your eyebrow game. The sky’s the limit!
CAPRICORN: Let’s get digital! Whip out your Tinder app. Send a goofy text. Binge-read some YouDoTheMath. And upload everything to Instagram! No shame- it’s 2015!
AQUARIUS: Like Obama said, “Be the bossy Aquarius you want to see in the world.” So this weekend, ask for the things you expect. Ask for the things you deserve. And ask for an extra scoop of ice-cream, ‘cause it’s fucking hot and so are you!
PISCES: This weekend, do some fishy Pisces things. Eat a bunch of oysters and FISH for compliments! You deserve it, woman! You’re sassy. You’re smart. You’ve got it going on.
ARIES: Be breezy, like an Aries babe should. Wear black clothing and speak in only metaphors. Become the International Woman of Mystery, you sneaky girl. Do it.
TAURUS: Embrace your inner Taurus and be a stubborn boss bitch. Don’t settle. Break the glass ceiling (or wait til Monday, ‘cause this horoscope is about your weekend.) Demand some respect. Free the nipple! Do you, princess.
