Your Weekend Horoscopes: Cliché Edition

TAURUS: See no pants, hear no pants, wear no pants. 

GEMINI: The wine is always redder on the other side. 

CANCER: You can’t judge a Netflix show by it’s cover. 

LEO: What doesn’t kill you makes you drunker. 

VIRGO: A mouthful of lime helps the tequila go down.

LIBRA: Better safe than sorry-not-sorry. 

SCORPIO: There’s no such thing as free brunch. 

SAGITTARIUS: A selfie is worth a thousand words. 

CAPRICORN: Beauty is in the eye of the Instagram filter. 

AQUARIUS: Misery loves iced coffee and Cheese-Its. 

PISCES: Cheap jewelry is a girl’s best friend. 

ARIES: A calorie saved is some pizza earned.